Relational

The essence of God is relational and He’s made you in His image as a relational being. The trinity, or Godhead as believers understand, is God in three distinct persons: God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit. The three persons of the trinity are in unbreakable and eternal union. This is a relational mystery. You might want to review the article “Who is God?“.

As the Relational One, God has created all things to live in harmonious relationship. This is very evident in the natural world, as all living things relate to other living things by design. Human beings are the pinnacle of God’s creation and thus we are His highest model and design of relationship. In fact, you’re made and meant to do life with others in relationships specifically ordained and designed for you! No one is meant to go it alone.

Vertical and lateral hierarchy

Of utmost importance is your relationship with God first. Unless this relationship is healthy and growing every day of your life, you’ll drift. Your other relationships will weaken as a result. Let’s consider the following hierarchy of relationships:

1. Your relationship with God begins when you believe and receive Jesus Christ as your savior. You instantly become a child of God, your spirit is made new and your eternal home in heaven is assured. Let’s call this relationship your Vertical.
2. Your relationship with God grows only as you choose to follow Jesus, which is God’s perfect will. As a believer, you may choose not to follow Jesus, but as a result your relationship with God will stagnate. You’ve learned by now that following Jesus is a daily interaction with your Master Teacher. You are positioned to sit at His feet, as you learn, grow and mature. You find yourself falling in love with your savior and Lord. If this relationship is not nurtured on a daily basis, it will suffer, affecting all others.
3. By the perfect will of God and the power of His Spirit working within you, new relationships will begin as some of your existing ones grow stronger. Of course, as you grow in Christ, there may be some relationships that will end. We’ll call all these your lateral (side-by-side) relationships, with family members, friends, coworkers, etc.

Let’s look more closely at these lateral relationships.

God declared His will for these relationships with others in the first book of the Bible, Genesis. As you read the verse below, substitute the words “the man” with your own name as you read it aloud.

God said, “It’s not good for the Man to be alone; I’ll make him a helper, a companion.” – Genesis 2:18

By the way, we realize the Genesis scripture passages in this article relate in their specific context to the relationship between Adam and Eve. However, in the broader context all our lateral relationships can accomplish God’s intended purpose if we’re faithful in two key areas. Reading through the Genesis account, we find these two keys for relationships that God defined and established for eternity.

Identity – Each person in a lateral relationship has a distinct, God-given identity (to review identity, go here). This is clear in the relationship between Adam and Eve, patterned after the model of the Trinity, in which each Person of the Godhead possesses an identity with distinct qualities, purpose and value designed to have a contributing influence.

“Let Us make mankind in Our image, according to Our likeness…” – Genesis 1:26
“Let them rule…” – Genesis 1:26
“Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it…” – Genesis 1:28
“And out of the ground the Lord God formed every animal of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name…” – Genesis 2:19
“At last this is bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman…’” – Genesis 2:23

Accountability – Each person in a lateral relationship, in each one’s distinct and God-given identity, is accountable to the other in order to “become one.” In the broader context, that’s in order to accomplish a divinely appointed purpose as a whole. Each one is accountable to “help” the other in some way, providing a contribution in light of the purpose and value of each.

“I will make him a helper suitable for him…” – Genesis 2:18
“they shall become one flesh…” – Genesis 2:24

Now let’s examine identity and accountability in greater detail and apply them to ourselves and our relationships today.

Relationships illuminate identity

As you’ve already learned, when you came to belief in Christ you instantly received a new identity as a gift of His grace. Your true identity is designed to have powerful influence on the type and quality of your lateral relationships, and those relationships in turn illuminate and reveal that identity. In this life you’re in the process of internalizing and aligning with your new identity in Christ, yet at some level you’re still living under the influence of your old self-centered ways. Through your many and diverse relationships your most dominant identity is revealed, and through Christ you’ll align more and more with the identity He has created in you.

The way you’ve interacted with others in the past may often reveal – sometimes painfully – a false identity based on lies you’ve believed about yourself. Sadly, some of us have experienced relationships that were short-lived, destructive and shallow, while people around us seemed to be enjoying long-lasting, healthy and deep relationships. In either case, these relationships illuminate how we currently see ourselves – our identity. Coming to this realization is a giant step in the right direction.

As a new follower of Jesus, if you’re struggling to be involved in the lives of others, or you’re living with unhealthy relationships, you’re missing out on the fullness of relationships as God designed them for you. The good news is that as you begin to see yourself as Christ sees you, in your new identity, your relationships will improve. Some past relationships will be healed and restored, some may need to end, and new ones will be developed. These relationships may involve members of your family, social circles, neighbors and of course people in your faith community.

To be relational is to be accountable

We’ll say it again: Your true identity is designed to have powerful influence on the type and quality of your relationships. If you’ll recall from the article on your identity, it says “Whatever you have believed about yourself in the past has invariably driven your thinking and behavior, and controlled the direction of your life.” A false identity may have caused you to think, speak or act in destructive and unhealthy ways towards a friend, your spouse or your kids. It could be that you feel you have very little to offer in your relationships with others, that your interactions have no impact on them. This could not be further from the truth! That old identity keeps you hopelessly focused on yourself rather than others, greatly diminishing and degrading the power of your influence in Christ! So we can really see that how we feel about ourselves – our identity – drives both the inner life (thinking) and outer life (behavior). Invariably, every relationship will be affected. Who would you say is ultimately responsible for the quality of your relationships?

In author Stephen Covey’s book entitled 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, he refers to the areas of your life that you have direct control (influence) over, such as we’ve already touched on – your behavior, attitudes (thinking), and actions. According to Covey, because you have control over these areas that inevitably affect your relationships, you have a responsibility – an accountability – to those people in your life. The quality of your relationships depends on you! As your relationship with Jesus deepens and matures, His Spirit will work on you from the inside out. He will help you to grow in your new identity, resulting in healthy thinking and behavior. All your relationships will improve as a result. They will become what they are meant to be: healthy, fulfilling, exciting, enjoyable, productive and God-honoring.

From the scripture passages below – and hundreds more throughout the Bible – the Holy Spirit teaches us what it means to be accountable in our relationships, based on our new and true identity in Christ. It becomes clear then that our relationships are healthy and God-honoring only when we recognize that we’re accountable to those people. Accountability is the glue that holds healthy relationships together.

Think for a minute about who those people are in your own life, to whom you are accountable. First and foremost , this would include Jesus. What about your parents? Check out the letter to the Ephesians, chapter 6. What about your spouse and your children? Check out Ephesians chapter 5. The list goes on to include your co-workers, your friends, and your neighbors. Would this accountability extend even to unbelievers? The passage below answers that question.

“…if anybody asks why you believe as you do, be ready to tell him, and do it in a gentle and respectful way.” – 1 Peter 3:15 (TLB)

The qualities of accountability

As you read through the scripture passages we’ve shared on this page, and as you search for others in your own study, you’ll find at least the following behavioral qualities (with noted scripture passages) that are necessary if you want to develop that accountability that Christ calls you to build into your lateral relationships, as you begin to align with your new identity in Christ.

• humility – not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less (and more about how you contribute to others) – Philippians 2:3-8
• vulnerability – acknowledging your shortcomings and struggles, and your need for a helper – 2 Corinthians 12:10
• transparency – being free from deceit or pretense in relation to others – 1 Timothy 1:5
• intentionality – applying concerted effort towards healthier relationships – Proverbs 27:17
• graciousness – rather than finding fault in others, acknowledging when you are at fault – Ephesians 4:32
• responsibility – aligning your behavior, actions and attitudes towards others with the life of Christ – Ephesians 4:22-24
• can you find other qualities?

“For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us….” Romans 12:4-6a 

“You were all called to travel on the same road and in the same direction, so stay together, both outwardly and inwardly. You have one Master, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who rules over all, works through all, and is present in all. Everything you are and think and do is permeated with Oneness.” – Ephesians 4:4-6 (The Message)

“…working within Christ’s body, the church, until we’re all moving rhythmically and easily with each other, efficient and graceful in response to God’s Son, fully mature adults, fully developed within and without, fully alive like Christ.” – Ephesians 7:15-16 (The Message)

“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” – Philippians 2:1-4 (NIV)

“That day about three thousand took him at his word, were baptized and were signed up. They committed themselves to the teaching of the apostles, the life together, the common meal, and the prayers… all the believers lived in a wonderful harmony, holding everything in common… They followed a daily discipline of worship in the Temple followed by meals at home, every meal a celebration, exuberant and joyful, as they praised God. Acts 2:41-47 (various verses in this section)

As a believer and Christ follower now, it’s vital to be involved with others – to be relational. There is no better place to begin practicing, developing and strengthening your relational nature than within a faith community.

“The glory of God is available to you in the church in a way it’s not available to you anywhere else. . . . There is no more important means of discipleship than deep involvement in the life of the church.” – Tim Keller